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Sibling rivalry has to be, in my opinion, one of the most strenuous forces of energy that challenges the bonds of family. The strange changes of energy that seems to consume even the nicest of people has bewildered me at times when it comes to the rivalry of siblings. Why is it so hard for many siblings to get along? Is it in the genetic make-up of our DNA or is it something much greater, much deeper, like the bonds of our spiritual contracts?
While in my current spiritual training, I have found one of the toughest challenges happened right here in Cabo San Lucus with my adopted sister, in which I failed this test. No matter how balanced I am with the rest of the world, my adopted sister has the ability to bring me to my knees and push past my definite boundary lines that causes my balance to spin out of orbit. Her and I most definitely come from two separate worlds. In actuality, everything about us is so different that I wonder how we made it this far without doing some pretty hurtful things to one another! Out of all the fights her and I have had, I never realized the many negative and hateful thoughts she has towards me.
Honestly, I should have paid attention to the warning signs, as this vacation was a disaster right from the start. From the first moments of the car ride to the airport until the big bang here in Cabo, like two planets colliding, our sibling rivalry crashed into one another decimating all that was around.
Many say that once words are spoken they can never be taken back, as they can cut through the heart like a newly sharpened blade. At times my adopted sister has a wickedly sharp tongue, and as much as I do love her, I think that our relationship has sustained too much damage from last nights encounter. I have learned many new ideas of what her personal views are of me and sadly none of which are pleasant. I think what surprised me the most out of all of this was to hear someone who you thought loved and cared for you view you as a narcissistic mentally unstable person and be heavily frowned upon for my wicked pagan ways. Well of course I’m a little narcissistic! I’m a Domme. I think I would have to be a little bit. Lol. Be that as it may, she has never fully accepted me for being Transgender and it appears that she still harbors resentment towards me for the transition, but why? Why does my adopted sister hold ill feelings towards my individuality? I have come to sense that there might be a hint of jealousy coming arise for the freedom in which I live my life. As I said, we come from two different worlds. I strive for individuality and she strives for the social norms. In her mind, you must hold a 9 to 5 job, believe in Christianity and be married or you are unstable and need counseling. I guess you can see how my lifestyle is offensive to her! What she doesn’t understand is all the hard work and the constant effort that I must make to sustain my life. I love having my freedom to reach out to people and fully be happy at what I do. It is why I live my life as I do. There are always joys and hardships with every course of life that we take on. Sure I have the freedoms to do what I want to do, but I must fight every day for everything I earn.
The role of the victim is one that many choose to fall under. My adopted sister being no different chooses to hold anger upon many, including myself, for living our lives in truth. Life gives us all many challenges that we must face, endure and overcome. I am firm in the sense of not letting our challenges and situations cripple the will of the human soul. I guess this could be one of many reasons why she carries resentment for me. Where she chooses to let her physical, mental and emotional problems from her past consume her, I choose to mend what was once broken and gain strength out of every seed.
Youth souls must learn the hardest of lessons as they are engulfed by ego, jealousy, hatred and resentment. Although, as old or ancient souls should be the teachers to the youth and adult souls, it should still be noted that we must set strong and sometimes seemingly harsh boundary lines when dealing with those that cannot comprehend compassion or understanding. It is not being mean or unforgiving to put your homeostasis first when a youth soul oversteps another’s boundaries. I drew the lines with her today and as much as it hurt me to do so, I had to make a choice between saving the balance and peace of mine of self or allowing my ego to step in to try to make someone understand what they are not yet capable.
I have recognized the fact that she has some validity in the way she perceives my role with her. I am dominant, confident and very protective especially when it comes to those I cherish. As I often watch many unpleasant interactions between my mom and her, it always sparks the flame in me and patience flies out the window when I observe the injustice she dishes out. For many years I have tried unsuccessfully to carry patience while watching them interact, but that dominant protective warrior arises each and every time. I do, however, try to see her view and come to the understanding that she feels scorned by my words, but often in question is if her thoughts are valid or if it’s just another ploy to play the victim.
As it stands, I am unable to determine if our relationship is salvageable from this explosive encounter. For now, I have decided to step away from our relationship being that too many boundaries were crossed in a very harsh manner. I know she is not a bad person in depth, but I do understand that spiritual maturity has to come into play before we could ever mend the deep wounds. I admit that am not always the easiest person to be around, as being me carries many stresses, but I will never allow myself to fall victim to life’s issues and challenges. I work diligently on ways to create a better self and world and although all challenges are not always successful, I do trust that one day I will put to an end the sibling rivalry.
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