Contention seems to be a part of every type of relationship. Whether it be a work, romantic, friend, or family member it seems inevitable that the ever-ready fight is upon us. We measure our relationships based on the number of conflicts that arise. If there are too many, we deem the relationship as a negative. If there are too few conflicts then we deem the relationship as a positive.
Conflict has it’s own agenda…
Our Ego and our Victim have a strong grasp on us. We make our decisions based upon fear and judgment of what we believe will keep the survivor in us safe. Our perception of life is clouded by the emotional rollercoaster that we choose to ride. In order to keep the Ego & Victim within us content, we purposely seek out disagreements to keep the illusion of self-gratification and righteousness alive.
Our emotions are our greatest teacher…
Emotions, as I’ve taught many times, are not real. They may seem real to us in those moments, but in fact, only the experience of that event or situation is real. And yet we judge our experiences based upon how much grasp the victim has inside us. However, how we choose to react to them is when we create the illusion of emotion.
Although emotions are created by judgment, if we learn to shift our awareness from victim to self-worth we will realize how much they have to teach us. Remember that emotions are meant to help us and guide us to a better understanding of self and although they are meant to allow personal growth, we are conditioned to be slaves to them.
Are you happy now??
Happiness is an intriguing word indeed. Our thoughts are ingrained to believe that happiness is this external feature floating out there in the world waiting for us to grab and attain. But what is happiness? How do we know we achieved it? Do we measure it by status? Do we measure it in monetary value? Or do we measure it in the number of people around us?
The illusion of false happiness is often mistaken for true happiness. One cannot achieve this notion simply by choosing to believe the altered perception controlled by fear and Ego. If we surround ourselves with external gratification in the illusion that we are happy, then we must come to realize that conflict will tend to rule our world and happiness will be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Truth is the only way…
I often hear from many in the spiritual community “I only want to focus on the positive and the good” or “I don’t focus on negativity because it only brings a bad experience”. The problem with these ideas is that positive and negative are an illusion created by the Ego and the Victim. The truth is, no situation is actually positive or negative. Unless we choose it to be, a situation will become positive or negative based on our distorted perception from our past experience or geographical conditioning.
A client of mine went to a Tony Robbins seminar a few days ago and told me that he taught his audience to shift their perception from focusing away from the negative to solely the positive. It was stated that by focusing only on the positive and what you want you would create a world of happiness.
As much as I respect Mr. Robbins and all his wonderful accomplishments, if my clients perception of what Tony was saying was accurate, than I feel this sets us up for a distorted view of limitations. Having focus solely on being positive or happy, only shifts the internal imbalance from one side to the other without having spiritual resolve. By ignoring what we deem to be a negative experience because we’d rather not to want to understand ourselves, we are consciously choosing to ignore the lessons in life that bring us the greatest growth. The so-called negative situations are still there and are just waiting for their opportunity to sneak back into your life.
To find happiness means to find awareness and acceptance…
Focusing our attention solely on one side or the other is the reason why happiness is the ever illusive and conflict is constantly present. The victim screams out demanding to you that it wants happiness and positivity, but in truth it will always keep you in turmoil.
If there is a collective form of happiness out there, awareness and acceptance of all situations must be present. It is in these two ideas where understanding comes from. When understanding develops we no longer have the need of the almighty Ego to say something is positive, negative or to seek out conflict in our daily lives.
Contention is just unresolved anger. Choosing to ignore it by deeming it a negative will do nothing more than temporarily shift a false sense of happiness to the ever-ready conflict of the Ego and Victim. If one chooses to truly find happiness then one must understand that happiness cannot come from any form of external gratification and we must observe all situations in truth without the label of positive and negative.
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