When I lost Control and Became Angry
From the first day Loyrie and Mák came into my life, I have felt the weight of the world upon my shoulders. I came into this life to teach, to heal and to transform humanity into transcendence. This enormous pressure of being an example for all to learn from a seemingly impossible task. To be the Spirit Guide of Truth in a world of lies and judgment makes my work the impossible, and now, today, I ask myself… “Am I to be the Spirit Guide, no more??”
What would they say if I told them….
I am the oldest soul incarnated on earth. That I truly am a Master Spirit Guide that has come to transform what they know. That I am a Soul Sage, and in my words, carry self-understanding that could help them master their emotions. That I never read a spiritual book or taken a class, that everything I teach is gifted from the infinite wisdom of the universe. That I work with 7 other powerful guides who help guide me to every person that I’ve helped. That every life I enter I have been guided to for the reason of growth and change.
What would they say if I told them….
Their beliefs are what blocks them from seeing the truth. That what they were taught to believe in, both spiritual and religious and about life, was created to control, instill fear and weaken the soul. To keep the soul trapped in a world of fear until they learn to believe in themselves and break away from those ideas. That they are the very thing they call God or Goddess, but too young to comprehend their true power.
If they would only listen for a moment….
I watch them fight over silly things. Trying to trump one another over everything. Saying they are teachers, leaders and people of God, but they turn on each other in the name of righteousness. They would never realize that they are the ones creating this mess! Judgment, anger, pain and suffering is where they choose to live. That just because the world agrees upon an idea doesn’t make it true, nor if the world rejects an idea doesn’t make it false. That their ideas of Good & Bad, Right & Wrong, Positive & Negative does not exist. That those ideas keep them submissive to the ego through limitation of the age of their soul.
We could show them the world…
If they’d only see me as their friend. Accepting who I am instead of running away. Realizing that we here to help them so they have nothing to fear. That their problems they face, true, can be quite scary, but if they open up to a higher vibration they could live free from wariness. Peace, happiness, and love can be in their daily lives, but they chase money, greed, and instant gratification. Until they must learn the true form of Love, compassion and understanding they will only find pain and judgment.
But how could they know…
Who I truly am, when the thought of someone different creates such fear. I grow tired of trying and fighting the grain as I feel as I’ve been running a race that has no end. No one understands what I gave up to do what I do. I left my home town, giving up my family, friends, a million-dollar family business and even a person whom I loved and was going to marry. I haven’t had a relationship since 1998 and friends have been little to none. I’ve gone broke many times, including now, investing everything that I had to help those in need. I can’t feed my dog or pay my bills because those that say they want help don’t find value in what I do. Not realizing that Value is determined by what people see in themselves and that’s why they cling to their beliefs, because without it, who are they?
I can never be my true self around anyone I know. Always holding back. Always hiding the truth of who I am, even amongst my spiritual peers. They call me crazy, weird and someone who’s lost sight, but I see things so clearly because I don’t need to be justified. No matter how much people say they understand, the truth is, they just don’t. If something is not what they are taught then they all push away. I hate that I have to keep conversations at a superficial level to connect with those around me. All I truly crave from others is depth and a meaningful relationship.
I’ve never expected anything in return. I’ve gladly done my part. I did what I did because it was who I was and I most certainly never regret anything that I do. The only thing I ever hoped for was the respect of who I am and what I do. I love myself so very much and thought they would want to too. I do hope one-day people find the same, but nothing will be gained by pointing and blame.
I called it Quits….
I finally had enough and I called it quits! I’m done, finished, goodbye for good! I’ve never felt freer than I do today. With nothing to weigh me down, I can do what I want. Finally having a choice to have the life that I deserve. Should I date? Should I make friends? Should I go travel the world? I’m free, I’m free and no more a slave to those who cry out.
I will be honest with you. A part of me is anguished and I feel like I’m giving up. Not on me of course, but to those who might need the help. I’ve never walked away from anything, but 30 plus years of being ignored and laughed at I can only take so much. The world has lost something big, but no one understands what. That’s ok however, on some level, the work I did will always ring about.
You are who you are….
I keep hearing Loyrie & Mak tell me “you cannot run away from who you are” but run away is all I want. I don’t know if I’ll ever come back to doing what I do, but that’s a thought for future times. I don’t know what’s in store for me, it’s kind of exciting actually! I’ve always had my life planned out, but I’m free to go where ever about.
I am had consciousness that wanted to share it with the world, but the time has come for me to move on. My knowledge and my teachings fall on deaf ears and although some people will become emotional reading this, they will run straight back to their fears. So, I say that to those that I’ve had the honor to teach, Thank you so much! It’s been my privilege to sever you well, but from here on out, I push away from who I am, the Spirit Guide…. No More….
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