The Fallen Ideas of Self
As we step into a new era of spiritual transcendence I am guided to remember my spiritual roots that have been deeply embedded into each moment throughout time. The moments that are forgotten, lost by time, are the moments of truth in which we seek to obtain balance. A large population of people in this world believe that to transcend into balance and peace can only be attained by spiritual or religious enlightenment. While others have the belief that only a being of the highest vibrational transcendence can bestow such a gift upon a soul if they are deserving. Finding the truth within balance and self can be gained by all persons willing to expand consciousness beyond the limitations of the human mind.
Balance is very rarely obtained within our society because of the misinterpretation of the means to achieve spiritual poise. We often think of spiritual enlightenment and balance as these tangible ideas that are achieved by the greatest of sacrifices to shed the human life and move into a being of pure light. This is the folly of human understanding.
The Fallen Guide was a perception that I had identified within myself for many years during my life, having a strange void of loss and a need to achieve great change within this world since the earliest of age. As I was prepped by my Master Guides, I was often reminded by them of the turbulent struggle that I would have to endure as I would seek to achieve my light mission. What was most difficult for me as a child was grasping the truth that I would never completely bond with the human population and how could I? I was never meant to. I was isolated with my thoughts and feelings, powerless to express the truth of myself to my family and friends, I sought solace with my spiritual family. Loyrie, Mak Raunna, and the other core four became my strength and the structure of what would be my future teachings.
Chaos reigns supreme in one’s life when a soul refuses to live a life in truth. In each moment of chaos comes the great lessons of understanding that we have chosen a discord with our spiritual contracts. However, in that same chaos comes a growth of the soul that will be shared into each life. During the many years of training, I found myself questioning everything that I had been experiencing. Were my guides a figment of my imagination? Was I the person that my Master Guides have shown me? If so, how would I achieve such a great task at hand if it’s even possible? When I finally did comprehend the idea of what my life would become, the pressure became too great in my mind and I ran. I rejected the idea of my life and became resentful towards my guides and blamed them for putting me in this situation. I didn’t want the responsibility of being mocked and disliked by those people whom I had come back here to help. True to their word, my life did play out exactly how I was told it would, with many people having a dislike and fear for who I was. I believe people were unaware of how much it used to hurt me when people feared me. As it still does, from time to time, when people find out the truth of who I am and it scares them to the point where they avoid me. Be that as it may, my thought process at that time was “Why would you fear a being that has come to help you?” It didn’t make sense to me, I became angry and resentful of humans often rebelling and acting out against the world. I guess people only enjoy the thought of Spirit Guides and strong energetic powers or maybe they are only exciting when reading about it in a book!
Regardless of my resentment and anger, I always felt an unstoppable force of energy that drew me back to my truth. During these times, I did find satisfaction in guiding people at certain points in their lives. It felt right, the energy embodied me and it always brought me into alignment. I will be honest, I made so many mistakes when I was younger. My immaturity showed greatly as I was always expecting to have all the answers for the people who needed help. I put so much pressure on myself in the belief that since I was a Spirit Guide that I will always have the answers! As I grew and matured I realized that’s not how it works at all. My intuition and psychic gifts do give me a sense of what a person is experiencing, but only in a partial way. Loyrie once explained to me that in order for you to truly understand how to help an individual you must have the full experience in yourself. In the same sentence she also told me that this would be why my life must be of great suffering and pain in many forms, so one day when I’m older, I will reach people on a large-scale. The same understanding applied to why I am transgender in this body, so I am able to understand and help both the male and female aspects equally. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I understood the depth of what she meant.
For many of my training years, I felt so inadequate in the tasks that I was presented. I had quite a few people tell me that I sucked at giving advice and helping people and for me to go in a different line of work. I was laughed at for my thoughts, dismissed, and often written off as the crazy one with kooky ideas. In Actuality, it still happens to me in the present! In my teenage years, I would often think that these people were right, maybe I was crazy with kooky ideas? As the frustration built inside of me, I reveled in the sadness of the Fallen Guide. I protected myself by being happy that I was angry with the world. Nevertheless, no matter how many people laughed and turned away from me, Loyrie, Mak Raunna, and the other Core Four never left my side and supported me strongly. I would like to clarify one thing, although I call them my Master Guides, they are not my masters. We are equals and I refer to them in this manner out of respect for the amount of work and time they have sacrificed.
As I’ve come to relearn and remember, each Guide has come with its own unique set of gifts to share amongst the world. It has taken me many years of chaos and training to realize what I was going to share with the world, my gifts are Truth and Transcendence. When this realization happened, it made sense to me now, that as my job is of truth, in a world where people are comfortable living their lives in falsehoods, that I would bring fear to people. All souls, no matter their spiritual age, are able to recognize Guides on a subconscious energetic level. That is why to engage me means, for many, that they will have to face their truth and the truth is one of the most intimidating ideas to ever face. Sadly, those that cannot speak or live the truth feel greatly uncomfortable around me, often intimidated, and are always at a loss for words. I’m not here to fear, I’m here to help whomever truly needs it.
Nowadays, being me isn’t all bad. Most of the time it’s pretty darn wonderful! Being one of few groups of Guides incarnated upon this earth at such a pivotal time in our evolution is quite an honor. Being able to help humanity to its next stage of evolution and watching those who make the jump become stronger in truth is a feeling that is exhilarating. There are those souls that do live in truth and find my energy very protective and securing. Those souls understand the truth of who I am and we usually bond quickly. Although I have only run into 2 other Guides in my journey so far, it is exciting to me for the day when I cross paths with the others!
In recent years, I found my “balance” within my chaos. In spite of having the Fallen Guide complex throughout most of my youth, I have figured out that the void of loss that I felt as a child was nothing more than me not being complete here. When I deny the truth, I have my purpose falls away. When I give into human emotion, I share chaos.
I am currently undergoing a new form of training. One that will help elevate change to a greater height within the souls of humanity. It has been going strong for over a month now and to be honest, it is one of the toughest training of my life. In short, it involves bringing all my lives together and reliving all the experiences in this current body. Talk about a multiple personality disorder! Ha! With every lesson, the soul is restored and with every experience, I remember my truth a little bit more. I don’t think I’ll be coming back here after this life, at least not for a while, but who knows, I love life!
The teachings of which I will continue to share deep within the hidden meaning of all my writings. In hopes that all of those will understand the messages and each writing has to offer. Always remembering that one of many keys to achieving balance and enlightenment is understanding that your home is both earth and the inland and to love living in both!
In Purpose and Meaning,
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