The Spirit Guide Once More

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The day I truly gave up on everyone….

Two years have gone by as if it where yesterday. I saw nothing by selfishness, anger and meanness from my fellow people. Every where I turned, it was nothing but hate it seemed. Haunting and draining me from every side I turned. What choice did I have? How could I see anything else? If those around me are without kindness, compassion and sensibility how could I ever reach a single soul?

I lost myself as the ground beneath my feet fell….

I tried so hard for so many years and what once seemed ripe and wholesome now rots and withers away. My heart is broken and an emptiness fills my body. I couldn’t breathe. I tried to grasp the air around me as if there was a rope or a life line that would save me from what I felt. Just then, it truly set in, I walked away from it, who I was, I was a Spirit Guide no more.

I have never felt this feeling before. It was disconnection from self in its truest form. There was a shroud of guilt. It lingered over my head like a nasty storm. Thoughts filled my head. What was to become of me? Where should I go? What am I to do? If I cannot do what I’m meant to do, then do I have purpose?

I would spend the next two years in sickness and chaos…

As I rejected the world and those around me, I grew sick, physically and spiritually. Nothing could go my way, nothing seemed deserved. For once I stood like a mountain in the wind and now I was carried around like a leaf in the wind. My heart grew weaker and weaker and I seemed to love less. I could not care for a single soul, I had nothing left to give.

I consumed myself back into sports, ignoring all the warning signs, my body was weak, fatigued and sick. The more things went awry the more I pushed my body. “This is all I have left in my life! You cannot take this from me!” I had already lost so much, what will I be if this is taken from me? I might not be a guide no more, but I’m still the athlete I know to be! I did not realize I was fighting a battle I could not win. I was fighting my health, my ego and myself. I was fighting the truth of who I am.

It all came to a head…

A month ago at a football tournament, my body was screaming not to play. I told my friends that somethings not right and this my be the end. I didn’t last more the a quarter in the game before my heart screamed out and said that’s enough. My heart rhythm went nuts and I could not breathe, I true felt that this was the end for me. I was rushed to the hospital and they couldn’t find anything was wrong, but I knew what it was. I had been killing myself with the anger and rejection that was once filled with love and understanding.

I held onto pain and anger for so long my heart was giving up. My blood started to thicken over the year with minor clots being formed. And although I did eat healthy, I could never rest at night. My mind would race throughout the night. The emptiness of my heart would haunt my thoughts I knew it was just a matter of time.

In the midsts of all the darkness…

I realized that I was killing myself and I had to come back. I could no longer ignore the pain I felt I had to let go, move on and regain. But would I be the same? Would I know the truth? What would become of me, walking in new skin?

I put myself on on Chinese herbal formulas that helped save my life. I went back to what I knew best, self-love, self-care and healing. I reopened my channels and connected back to my soul. A scream came out that rattled the house. My tears flowed uncontrollably for weeks without end. It was the release I needed, that my body had been looking for. The ghosts of my past, the physical trauma I endured, let themselves be known that there was still so much undone.

I realized that I would never be the same…

and why wouldn’t I want to, to grow is move beyond what you once were. I saw a purpose of what I was to be, the light inside grew radiant, my body sparkled like the sky. I felt a sense of self again, a purpose was born.

There is still a lot of healing to go. My physical and emotional bodies need much repair. The love I have for myself and the light within grows bright with a knowing that one day soon I will fly again. I will take my time to heal and grow because I am worth it. I will take the time to heal the childhood trauma that will help me be more patient with the world around me. I will love myself to walk away from the ego that I got caught up in during this time of despair. No matter if I’m a spirit guide, an athlete, a teacher, or a friend, the only thing that matters is the choices I choose at hand. And that’s why I will rise from the ashes and be who I truly am, The Spirit Guide once more!

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Author Info

Raina

Raina has helped thousands of individuals from all over the world find their purpose and mission. Having several degrees in Oriental & Alternative medicine, as well as her ever-evolving purpose to gain higher consciousness, Raina has created many outlets to share the wisdom and truths of the universe. Her radio show, IAMevolution Podcast, and the IAMevolution program are ready for those who truly want to seek wisdom and truth and help transform their vibration of our third-dimensional world.