Resolution to conflict happens when you listen
Conflict start with our own perception…
Our perception is unique to each individual. We base our reality on our perception due to our individual experiences. Our minds are conditioned to believe that all of us have the same experiences and thus we should understand how one another are feeling. Conflict comes from our EGO being victimized by our pains of the past and continues to run our lives during our relations.
You don’t understand what I mean…
You’re absolutely right! I do not understand what you mean or feel because I am not you. Although we share many similar experiences, how we choose to react to our experiences is unique and thus gives a similar experience a different outcome. As much as we enjoy using the term I know how you feel we really don’t! It’s just an idea that society has conditioned us to say during uncomfortable situations and pain.
We are friends; you should know how I feel!!!….
This is the victim in total control of our reaction. As the 3 yr. old child throws a tantrum because they didn’t get what they want, so does our EGO in any situation that we feel unjust! Often, during times of justification, the other party will say this in demand of an apology. But the EGO is just screaming for you to give into their demands. Giving into this truly does not resolve the conflict, but only encourages the trained tantrum of the EGO.
I’m sorry for hurting your feelings…
Believe it or not, no one can actually hurt your feelings! I know this may be a hard concept for many to understand, but it is actually true. No matter what someone else chooses to do, we are not responsible for another’s action or reaction. We are conditioned to apologize for every idea that we think and do and created low self-esteem and self-confidence. Demanding that everyone gives into our own victimization is silly. This passes judgment, not only on who we are, but also restricts us form evolving deeper.
Recently, I was in a conflict with a dear friend of mine. Her perception of a situation was different that the reality of the truth. Because of this, it created conflict. After a month of being ignored, and giving it time to rest, I decided to reach out. My dear friend repeatedly stated that she was hurt by my actions and that she wanted me to understand her feelings. The fact was that I did understand her thought process but I still was not going to allow her victim to override what actually happened. What I voiced was clear to me but had been received differently due to their own perception. I never apologized because I knew I had done nothing to her. The ghosts of her past relationships with friends projected that I had chosen a better option than her and this was not true.
Empathy doesn’t meaning caving in…
Often times during conflict we think that having empathy for someone means giving into others demands, this does not! In the above conflict with my friend, I showed her empathy by listening to her side and allowing her to voice her pain. How we choose to react to others pain and anger often leads down the path of chaos or resolve. Always remembering that even in empathy, our words and our actions may be perceived differently.
It is always our choice how to react…
Those that choose to react with anger and pain often believe it’s the rest of the world with the problem. In fact, every problem that we have with another, always has to do with us and any unresolved issues. When we become angry at the actions or ideas of another, it is our souls way of saying to us that we have had a similar experience that has been left untouched in our trunk of chaos.
The Victim of the Ego takes things personally…
Everything in our world happens internally. The illusion of an external outside world ticks us all into thinking that things can actually happen to us. In truth, the experience of a situation happens completely within us, and us alone. So when conflict arises, instead of looking inward at our own feelings, we try to push our internal reality on others to manipulate their experience into being ours.
Because a person chooses to become a victim of his or her own EGO, we become offended by the illusion of another’s action. If you think about it, no one has ever gone inside you and physically beat up your emotions, have they? So how can any truly hurt you? It is impossible for anyone to hurt us and thus tells us that our experiences are truly about us!
We must take responsibility for our own actions…
This is probably the hardest and yet most life-changing concept to follow. In a world created by entitlement and EGO, we choose to blame everyone for our shortcomings. If true conflict is ever to be resolved than we must always take responsibility for every thing we do. Accountability does not mean saying I’m sorry to everyone that chooses to be hurt by misunderstanding or give into his or her EGO and insecurities. Nor does it mean not being who we are because it might offend someone else. It simply means that we must learn to be self-reliant with our lives and our judgments and reactions towards others.
One often meets their conflict on the path they take to avoid it…
Those that feel they have to walk on eggshells are afraid of pain the most. We trick ourselves into believing that we don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings, but in truth, it is our own feelings that we don’t want hurt. People whom run from conflict are running from themselves and thus you will never find peace within. Conflict will always be apart of your life and you will continue to run until you finally realize that it is you that you need to love.
The conflict is now resolved….
Remember that the war only rages within self. Control and Victim are the illusions of the fool. When you realize that every argument that you have with another is only with yourself, you will understand how silly we become. The state of knowing self, and being in harmony with one’s own natural flow, you will realize that there is no room for conflict, only peace.
To Higher Consciousness,
Miss Raina, Spirit Guide & Soul Sage
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I am copying this information and hanging it in my office so I can read it and reread it on occasion.